Maternity Clothes for Fatty Big Belly
I was not one of those beautiful, glowing pregnant women with ankles. I was green for the
first third, diabetic and grumpy for the second two, I had bad skin, a ‘rounder’ face (thank
you friends) bleeding gums, I looked pregnant from every angle and I was clumsy. I spent
much of my time catching my breath or balance while staring longingly into patisserie windows.
Buying maternity clothes can be difficult; you don’t want to spend too much on them as
you only wear them for a few months (normal clothes are usually adaptable until about
month 5 or 6) but pregnancy can make you feel fat and ugly and undesirable and new
clothes that fit make you feel nice.
I remember buying them and willing my bump to grow, there’s a time between when you
update your facebook profile picture to an image of your uterus until you get an actual
bump worthy of maternity clothes and it’s odd; I was out of breath the whole time yet no
one stood up for me on the bus, if I didn’t rub my belly in a pregnant way people would just
think I’d been at the pies. My bump and various doctors started to remove all previous joy
bringers from my life. Then I got big. And then bigger. And so I bought clothes. I wasn’t
spending money on booze, fags, cakes or sushi (although using that argument I was
spending it on buses, diet coke, multi vitamins and oh yeah, baby stuff) so I amassed a fair
load of maternity clothes that didn’t go with each other or the season I was in.
You may have spotted already that I like clothes, I like buying clothes, I like wearing new
clothes, I also like accessories. I remember thinking that maternity clothes were mostly
rubbish but I don’t really remember why. My body seems intent on forgetting the whole
thing. I want to do it again so it’s obviously worked. This time I want to look elegant and
classy. Everyone wants to look elegant when pregnant right? I want my daughter to look at
photos of me carrying her in my tummy and say ‘wow mummy you pretty’ not ‘wow
mummy, you sweaty and your clothes look crazy’.
Lots of friends maternity clothes do the rounds which is great (although I never wore those
maternity dungarees, the occasion just never arose) and it’s worth trying to find out if there
are any NCT sales in your area.
A quality plain maternity dress is brilliant because you can dress it up or down with different
accessories for different occasions. I love love a wrap top over a bump and maternity
tights and leggings are an absolute must.
I lived in my maternity skinny jeans and boots through the autumn with a long jumper and
massive scarf. Getting boots on a heavily pregnant woman is often a two person job so
think about that if you have to get ready on your own. Also, taking off skinny maternity
jeans is not sexy but not much about pregnancy is.
Can I just ask that you keep away from the ‘joke’ t shirts, perhaps your sense of humour
has been affected by hormones, maybe the offending article was a present from work,
there’s no excuse – they’re rubbish. ‘Hands off the bump’, ‘pregasoarus’, ‘baby on board’,
‘mind the bump’. No. And if anyone even utters the words ‘yummy’ and ‘mummy’ in the
same sentence, punch them. In the neck. Then waddle off as fast as your squished up
lungs and cankles will
